


Boyfriend

by Soldado_Invernal



Series: Twist of Fate [1]
Category: IT (1990), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Richie 17/Eddie16, Richie calls Eddie "Spaghetti" cause I love it, Sad Ending, Teenage Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, rocket popsicle sharing, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:26:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22792456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soldado_Invernal/pseuds/Soldado_Invernal
Summary: "What the fuck happened here?""I… I’m tired of this! I'm tired of wondering if you’re hitting on me or just being tongue-in-cheek.""That’s your way to ask?!""I know it was stupid, but I needed to know, you know?""Know what?"
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Twist of Fate [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648939
Comments: 20
Kudos: 49





	1. Stop Desire

School sucked. Being home sucked. The whole fucking town sucked. Derry was possibly the worst town in the world. There were only two moments when Richie Tozier wasn’t utterly bored to death - when he was at the Losers’ Club house and when he was at the arcade. Other than that, everything sucked.

— What you’re planning to do this weekend, Rich? — Stuttering Bill (Bill Denbrough almost didn’t stutter anymore, but old nicknames were hard to lose) asked when they were getting out of class. They were followed by Ben Hanscom, Beverly Marsh and Eddie Kaspbrak, but only the last one was paying attention to the answer Bill sought.

— I’m probably gonna be at the Capitol, as usual. Gonna work on my technique.

— You play  _ Street Fighter  _ every single weekend since Middle School and still suck, Rich. You gotta work  _ more _ than your technique. — Stanley Uris rolled his eyes, joining the group of friends in the middle of the hall. 

— Blow me, Stanley! You just say that ‘cause I kick your ass even when I’m playing with the girl!

— I was thinking about going at the Capitol too. — Eddie intervene, before Stanley got his rightful reply. — I wanna watch  _ Reservoir Dogs _ .

— Does your mother let you watch this kind of movie, Eddie Spaghetti?

— Shut your trashmouth up, Richie. I was gonna ask if anyone wants to come too.

— I’m still grounded, so doesn’t matter what I want. — Stanley grumbled.

— Still? It’s been like, three years, dude.

— You know how harsh my parents can be, I still listen to lectures about how irresponsible I was… It’s a miracle they still let me come to school. — they all knew it was a bit of a stretch, but not a very unrealistic one.

— I wanna go! — Beverly said, which brought Ben and Bill’s interest in coming too, no one wondered why. 

— How about you, Rich? 

— I’m gonna be there anyways… But this movie’s gotta be good!

The movie was, and for the relief of the littlest of the Losers Club, the whole gang enjoyed. Despite the late hours, they still hung out at the arcade, watching with bursts of laughter Richie beat every single one of his friends on  _ Street Fighter _ . Mike was the first to leave, and soon Beverly had to go to, and Ben offered to walk her home (“oh, such a gentleman!”). When the night arrived, Bill had to leave too and only Eddie and Richie stood at the game machine.

— Don’t you have to be home too?

— I can… Be a little late. And you? Won’t your mom be worried if don’t show up?

— I don’t want to go. — Richie said, still focused on the fight he was playing alone. — Mom’s got a new boyfriend… Since then, it’s been hell stay at home.

Eddie arched his eyebrows in surprise.

— You know, if it’s ok with you, Ma let me have a sleepover this weekend. I thought everyone would be busy with finals coming but… If you want to stay at my house, you know you’re welcome.

Richie looked up for the first time, intrigued by the offer. It hadn’t been long since he last slept at the Kaspbrak house, and he wasn’t a stranger to the manners of the friend’s mother. Mrs. Kaspbrak was tough, highly overweight and not very fan of her son’s friends. Richie on the top of them.

— Do you think your mother really meant  _ me _ ?

— I mean you, Rich. It’s gonna be fine, she’ll give in anyways. Come.

He agreed. Not only ‘cause he didn’t want to spend the night in his house, but because he  _ really _ wanted to spend it at Eddie’s.

On their way, all those weird feelings that made his 13 year old self carve their initials on the infamous kissing bridge fell over him like a waterfall; and soon he was soaking wet. He wasn’t sure what made him look at Eddie that way, but it was different from how he saw every other friend. He wanted to do  _ things _ to Eddie, things he knew he shouldn’t want to, but some nights, he just couldn’t fight it.

Eddie’s mother, Sonia, was fast asleep on the couch the moment they came in and she didn’t wake up with his greetings. Following Eddie’s steps, they went to his room upstairs.

— If she doesn’t wake up, it’s like you’ve never even been here.

— Comforting. 

— Believe me, it’s better like this.

— She’s still tough on you?

Eddie nodded.

— Yeah, but I try not to care about it so much, you know. I try not to let her get under my skin and... Scare me like she used to.

— What’s the latest disease she came up with?

— You know the guys who moved in to the house at the end of the street?

Richie knew. Everyone knew. The whole fucking town knew about the two gay men that had moved in together to the creepiest shithole they could find on the map.

— She keeps on saying that they are loaded with diseases and they somehow want to pass it to me… I’m already so full of it I don’t even listen anymore.

— You’re not afraid of it? — Eddie's words were like a punch in the stomach. 

— She’s been lying since I was a kid, why wouldn’t she be lying now?

— Everyone says these people are… filthy.

— I don’t care, Rich. They are just going with their life and have nothing to do with me… — Eddie shrugged it off like he was the coolest.

They didn’t touch on the subject anymore. Richie couldn’t deny that his heart felt a little heavier than when they arrived - his dreams could be as hot as hell if he wanted, but in reality, no one would ever allow them to be together. Even if Eddie wanted too, he would never go against his mother on that matter.

Eddie offered for them to play the videogame his grandparents gave him for his birthday and they lost a few good hours playing. He wasn’t very good at any game, but asked for it anyway, to use as an excuse to have his friends hanging out there more often.

— You suck hard, Eddie Spaghetti! — Richie laughed when he won the game for the tenth time on a roll. Eddie didn’t answer, but laughed too and got up.

— Wanna go down? 

Richie fixed his glasses, gasping.

— What? 

— Wanna go down to get dinner? Ma must have left something on the kitchen. — Eddie asked explained, oblivious to what the other understood. — What's wrong? 

— What?

— You lost the opportunity to make a "You Ma is so fat" joke.

— I didn’t think of one this time. 

It was hard to believe, but Eddie brushed it off. Maybe he was tired.

The table was ready and the dinner was merely warm enough for them to eat, in silence to not disturb Sonia's sleep. When they were finished, Eddie took Richie’s hand.

— Wanna a rocket popsicle? 

Richie accepted, but when Eddie opened the fridge and found there was only one, he really didn’t mind not getting it.

— Wanna share?

— I don’t think your mother would like for us to share spit like this.

— I'll chance it. Ma doesn't need to know. Go ahead, Richie. You can lick it first. — It wasn’t natural for Richie to gasp so many times in a day. Eddie pushed the popsicle towards him. He only had this much strength on his body to say no.

Eddie licked then, not giving a damn about avoiding the spot Richie's tongue had touched. They went upstairs before even finishing it, trying not to make a sound. Luckily, the woman was completely blacked out.

— See? No problem.

— Yeah, wait until one of us gets cooties.

— I think it would take us a lot more to get cooties.

Eddie took a step forward. 

— Your turn.

— I’m ok. You can have it.

— Richie, I… — he was so close Richie could almost feel his skin. They had been close before, of course (moments that were fuel to many fantasies) but that time was kinda different. Eddie took a deep breath. — I want you.

— To share the popsicle? — Richie mumbled just before Eddie came even closer and sealed their lips tight.

At first, all he could focus on was the cold sensation the popsicle left on Eddie’s lips and how good it felt against his. Almost like in his dreams, Eddie opened his mouth and turned what could have stayed as just a peck into a kiss. A real kiss. Not that Richie was that inexperienced, but Eddie’s tongue took him by surprise.

And then, their hands. "What you do with your hands when you’re like this?". Clumsy, he put his arms around Eddie’s waist line and pulled him closer. Eddie didn’t pull away like he imagined he would; just threw his own arms around Richie’s neck and played with the back of his head. 

— Eddie bear! Is there someone upstairs with you? — Sonia's yell made the boys push each other quickly; Eddie’s face was so scared and Richie was breathless, both hearts pounding desperately. 

— Yeah, mom! Eh… Richie’s here! He's gonna spend the night.

— Did he talk to his mother? 

— Yeah, Ma! We're just hanging here.

— Ok, don’t stay up late.

They stood in silence till her snore was heard again. Richie was still shivering when they were finally out of danger, and when he tried to babble some words, nothing came out.

— Sorry about that. I think she’s finally off for the night, though.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

— What the fuck happened here?

— Richie, I… I’m tired of this! I'm tired of wondering if you’re hitting on me or just being tongue-in-cheek.

— That’s your way to ask?!

— I know it was stupid, but I needed to know, you know?

— Know what? — Richie was in cold sweat. What the fuck was Eddie doing? Was he mocking him? Was that for real?

— Richie, I’ve been dropping hints ever since ever. I like your stupid ass, dickwad! And I didn’t want to be so invested, but sometimes it looks like you're pretending you don’t…

— I like you too, Eddie. — that was an understatement but he didn’t want to scare Eddie away. — I just never thought you… You were liking me too.

Eddie smiled. 

— I fucking knew it!

Richie didn’t say anything. He actually felt like his body was an empty shell and his mind had melted, so even if the words had occurred to him, it would be impossible to speak. Not the best reaction he could get, Eddie thought, but his heart was still racing over the words “I like you too”.

— And now what?

— We could… go back to kissing.

— You mean it?

The best answer was no answer at all. Eddie just pulled Richie in again, not being so subtle on his second kiss. He knew what he wanted and this time, he knew Richie wanted it too, so why wait? They had waited so long for just one kiss, why not to have the full thing? Why stop that desire that was burning his insides since he was in Middle School? (“Way before those guys moved in, Ma… I’m sorry”).

Not thinking twice, Richie pulled Eddie’s shirt up, anxious for that touch. Eddie was too skinny for a 16 year old boy, but it didn’t mean a thing for a boy who had been in love with him for so long. To Richie’s hands, he was perfect in measure and texture and better than his fantasies. That Eddie was for real.

— Mind if we… Get in the bed? — Eddie whispered in Richie's ear and the sound of his voice out of breath was the most sexy sound in the world. Richie nodded.

Eddie’s bed wasn’t big, so when both boys lied down there was almost no room left. None of them worried, though, and Eddie pulled Richie to be on top of him, still seeking for his lips that still tasted like the rocket popsicle. Soon, Richie’s shirt was off too and fell on the floor with his glasses. For a second, he thought about getting them back, but realized he didn’t need it… He knew Eddie’s figure better than he ever admitted.

Making out with your teenage crush while your mother is just downstairs carry this guilty feeling that took Eddie just a few seconds to shake off. He was done with playing games and pretending that having Richie in between his legs wasn’t the thing he wanted the most. 

When they pulled apart for air, Eddie focused on kissing Richie’s neck, hearing the hot moans the boy couldn’t hold. “I’m dead if Ma comes in”, he thought, but it didn’t stop him of keep on going. It was exciting to be the sole responsible for all those reactions on Richie’s body.

— I’ve been wanting to do this for… So long. — Richie confessed, kissing his way through Eddie’s cheek to his mouth. It was almost unbelievable that it was actually happening and he could finally tell Eddie how much he wanted him, how much it was impossible to control himself near him… 

Eddie played with Richie’s hair, messing it up the way he liked. He didn’t expect the night would go on like this. Hoped, of course, but he didn’t plan anything. But was so good to be able to touch him with no doubt, no worries, and feel Richie’s hands exploring his body too. Almost like they were getting to know each other like it was the first time.

Gently, Richie’s kisses started to draw a line across Eddie’s neck to his chest till he was up on his knees over him. Eddie was a vision from down there, he thought, still looking for the courage to do what he wanted to do.

He could feel Eddie's dick pulsing under him and he himself was quite hard. Still uncertain of what he should do, he decided that "mature and responsible" was the nicest choice.

— May I?

Eddie nodded vigorously, making him chuckle.

With both hands, Richie opened the zipper of Eddie’s shorts and with one quick careful move, pulled it down. "Is it possible to get a heart attack from a boner that’s not yours?", he wanted to ask Eddie but feared the answer. 

He knew what to do, and when he started doing it, Eddie almost let out a loud gasp. Who’d say that Trashmouth could feel so good? Nothing Eddie had ever experienced came near to having Richie’s mouth wrapped around his cock. 

— Oh fuck, this feels good… — he let out before biting the back of his own hand. Even though he was focused, Richie didn’t miss the reaction and got fucking proud of himself. With the free hand, Eddie caressed his head in the most careful way he could (which wasn’t that much) and kept trying to muffle his moans till he was close to finish.

Richie was out of breath and completely satisfied when he was done; Eddie was still rolling his eyes, lying on his back, trying hard not to let any loud sounds out his mouth. He pulled Richie closer again and, in between gasps for air, tried to say something. Nothing understandable, so all he was left to do was to bring their lips together again.

For a split second of lucidity, Richie thought that wasn’t the brightest idea ("My mouth was right on your dick, and you know it"), but it seemed to turn Eddie on even more, as his kisses became more desperate and deeper. Something inside him liked the idea of being "dirty" (at least for his mother's eyes)... Liked so much that didn’t think twice about how to repay Richie’s blowjob.

He had done that to himself a million times, but sliding his hand into Richie's pants was a bit different from doing on his own. Almost instinctively, Eddie started to jerk him off, which made Richie gasp and swear in between their kiss.

— You sound so fucking good when you’re like this, Rich…— Eddie dared to say, while kissing his neck and Richie felt his entire body responding to his touch. It was like he was completely helpless against Eddie and he was totally fine with that.

— Don’t… Stop. — was all that he could say, thrusting his hips at the rhythm of Eddie’s hands. He could barely keep his eyes open, but all he wanted was to keep looking at blurred vision of Eddie’s malicious smirk. — Please don’t fucking stop... 

As a good boy, Eddie did what he was told till Richie was done and fell over his body. Both of their breaths were out of rhythm and it felt like fucking heaven… 

— You ok? — Eddie sighed, enjoying the sensation of having Richie limp over his chest. Without moving, he mumbled “yes” and let out a deep breath.

— Roll over… — Richie said after a while in silence, coming off to find them a comfortable position. Eddie rested his head on his chest. — What we gonna do with this mess?

— I’ll clean it up in a second… Let me just… — But once again his train of thoughts ended up incomplete, interrupted by the urge of kissing one another again. Richie’s lips felt so fucking good he thought he would never be able to stop kissing them.

Holding each other against the chest, slowly calming their breaths and bodies… they ended up sleeping together in the mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember the time we spent together  
> Summer, 1993.
> 
> (this is the only chapter that will contain smut)


	2. This Thing that Breaks my Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter contains a mention of s*xual assault (none of the characters were the perpetrator and there isn’t any graphic description of the situation).

The morning after was never a part of Richie’s dreams. He was used to wake up to a shameless boner and a guilty feeling for the “what the fuck am I doing?”.

But this time, there was no guilty, he only felt good. Eddie sleeping on his chest, the summer air warming up every inch of their sweaty bodies together on that single bed, … How could he feel guilty if it was so good?

Eddie felt pretty much the same. Never in his life he had a better night sleep, and he knew it was all about Richie's arms all around him. The second he woke up and felt their skin rubbing against one another, his heart started to race once more; it hadn’t been a hormone-induced dream. Richie was there, he had spent the night on his bed, they had kissed into the night… 

— Good morning…

— Good morning, Eds. 

— I can’t believe you’re really here… — Eddie put his hand on Richie’s hair, combing it out of his eyes. He had never been more gorgeous, he thought, in none of their sleepovers. 

— I can’t believe we really… Did it last night. I mean, what's on that rocket popsicle? 

— Beep beep, Richie.

— Beep me, you asshole. — he answered, bringing Eddie to a kiss that last long enough to make them breathless. — We need to clean up or your mother will suspect.

— I know, I know… I don’t care, but I know.

— C'mon, don’t be a lazy ass…

Eddie laughed, using all the energy he had left to get up. His shorts were stained but other than that, nothing suspicious. Richie, on the other hand, had "I just had sex" written all over his face. Messy hair, some lovely marks Eddie’s kisses left on his neck (maybe the shirt would be enough to hide them?), his lips looked a little sore, and probably his trousers were stained as well.

— You’re looking adorable.

— Fuck you. Want some help?

— You might wanna take a shower.

As gross as it might seem, washing off the last night hadn't even crossed Richie’s mind, he was weirdly comfortable with the idea of being covered in it. But one look at the mirror made him understand Eddie’s point, so he accepted the offer. 

“Not that  _ water _ will cover those hickeys…. What the fuck, Eddie?”.

After showering, he felt refreshed for sure, even if the clothes were still dirty. Upon a look, one could almost believe he was just a boy coming back from a sleepover at a friend’s. His mom would positively believe, if she’d even care.

The room was already empty when Richie came out of the bathroom, for the boy’s disappointment - he wanted to see what new reaction would Eddie have - but the voices downstairs made him realize that not only Sonia was up too, she was questioning her son.

— Oh, everything’s ok now? — Mrs. K asked, trying to push down a cynical smile and sound a nurturing mother. She wasn’t very successful. 

— Yes, I am… Fine? — Richie answered, looking from the mother to the son, with no clue of what they had been talking, but that strange feeling that it was about  _ him _ .— Thanks for having me, Mrs, K.

— Yes, of course. You guys are always hanging around the house, and Eddie Bear always insists on having you sleeping in so… — the woman replied, making sure he knew he wasn’t  _ that _ welcomed in her household. — You boys fix your breakfast quickly, right? It’s almost time for the Mass, Eddie, and I don’t want to be late.

As soon as she left the kitchen, Richie came closer to Eddie, wondering if there would be any explanation for the heartfelt morning routine.

— She asked why were you taking a shower in my bathroom and I… Might have implied that you might have had an… Accident.

— You said I peed my pants?

— She asked and I couldn’t tell the truth. I panicked!

— That’s the best lie you could come up with? It’s fucking summer, you could have said I was sweaty because of the heat. No wonder why she almost didn’t look me in the eye… 

— It’s not like she’s gonna like you less.

— By this point, I think it’s impossible for her to like me less. She probably already hates my guts. You did me dirt, Kaspbrak.

Eddie looked down embarrassed. 

— How long do you think it takes for my mother get to know that I peed my pants while sleeping here?

— Not long.

— Fuck. She wouldn’t care if I came home like this, but if your mother calls, it soon becomes a problem.

— I’m sorry.

— You should be. — Richie chuckled. — You know I’ll make you pay for it somehow, right? 

Very differently from the last night, Eddie didn’t seem comfortable at all. “Where’s the guy who practically begged me for a bj in this very same kitchen?”.

— Rich. Ma and I will soon have to go the Mass today,… — He was talking so fast it was very difficult to follow his sentences. “Distressed Eddie is a very common type of Eddie”, Richie thought, watching the friend trying to speak coherently like who observes a bird. — We’ll have to go to church and you…

— You’re kicking me out?

— No, no. It’s just that you… 

— I have to go. I get it. I’m on my way.

Before Eddie would answer, he got up and walked out of the kitchen, saying a very polite goodbye to Mrs. K before leaving for good, without even looking back. He was expecting Eddie to run after him?  _ Possibly _ . But it didn’t happen, so the walk back to his own house was very unsatisfying.

To his surprise, his mother didn’t mention any “accident” at the Kaspbraks, but she asked if he had had fun, to which he replied with a generic “sure!”, just to convince her, and went straight upstairs.

“What the fuck? He really just kicked me out? What a jerk.”

Richie changed his clothes and tried to hide the stains on his pants the best he could before leaving it for laundry. Not that his mother would look for anything there (they had a silent agreement of “no ask, no tell” that had been working very well ever since his dad died), but part of him was getting a little ashamed of what he did to get those stains.

“Sucking dick on a first date is a very slutty thing to do.”, Richie punched himself mentally; it was kinda his fault. Kissing felt so good, he went with the flow and gave fifty more steps. It was  _ all _ his fault. What would Stanley say?

Thinking about it made him  _ really _ want to know what Stanley would say. It was like talking to his consciousness, but much simpler; Stan would always give good advice, whether he asked or not. So why not to ask?

The Uris house was close to his own, so it didn’t take five minutes for him to be knocking on its door.

— Good morning, Mrs. Uris. Is Stan home?

— You know he is grounded, Richie.

— Yes, I know. It’s that I really needed to talk to him about some problems...

— What sorts of problems could Stanley possibly help you with?

Before Richie could say anything, Stanley appeared by the door, with his usual concerned expression. 

— Please, mom. I’ve already done all my homework.

Mrs. Uris looked at them like they were criminais that she just couldn’t resist. After all, she had seen they grow up. 

— Ok, but you guys stay on the porch. And no running around, or your father will be angry.

— Thanks, mom! — Stanley said, walking out of the house and giving her a kiss on the cheek. As soon as Mrs. Uris close the door, he turned to Richie: — Thanks, man, I was getting crazy inside that house.

— They are keeping you imprisoned? Isn’t that kinda illegal? 

— Nothing is illegal when you’re a parent… that's why I don’t want to have children, ever.

— I thought it would be for not to pass on your stupid curly hair.

— Beep beep, Richie. — Stanley joked. — I’m outside and it’s pretty fucking good, so you can babble about whatever you want, I'm gonna stay happy.

— Yeah, about that, I want to talk serious with you today.

— Boy, is that even possible? 

— Stanley, I did something bad.

— Bad? How bad?

— Like, very bad. I think it might be a sin.

— You know I’m not any sort of priest, Rich.

— That’s the problem, I’m not seeking for forgiveness. That's why I came to you.

Stanley looked surprised and worried. It’s been so long since he'd ever seen Richie talk so serious and it could never be a good thing.

— I hooked up with someone.

— I don’t think I’m ready to hear it.

— Please! You're the only one I can talk to about these things.

It was true. Although all the Losers were his best friends, Stanley was his best _ -est _ . The only one who he felt comfortable enough to tell things like what happened behind the bleachers in 7th grade with Patrick Hockstetter, or when he started feeling something more about Eddie. Stanley was really a great guy, very comprehensive and smart for his age, so he always knew the right thing to say.

— Fine, tell me. What bad thing did you do?

— I… Kinda… sucked someone off.

— Yeah, you told me that already, and I still think you should have told your mother and go to the police  _ when it happened _ .

— No, not like that. I did it because I wanted. Last night. Last night I hooked up with someone and I ended up getting too excited and…

— Naughty.

— And I think I might have scared them off.

— You suck that bad?

— I don’t know, all I know is that this morning, all he said was "get clean and get out".

— That’s harsh, what a douche! But, wait, wait, wait, hold up. You said "this morning", like… You sleep in?

Richie nodded.

— You’re going places, Tozier. Of all the Losers, you weren’t my top choice to be the first one to get laid.

— Who's your top choice?

— Doesn’t matter. But the thing is, if the guy treated you so badly in the morning, he doesn't deserve your trashmouth.

— But how do I look at him now? How do we move past what happened?

— Just don’t go after him. It's someone you'd see on a daily basis?

— Hourly, almost.

— Hourly? Who do you see that.... oh, damn! You nailed Eddie?!

— Shhhhh! — Richie covered up Stan's mouth quickly. — We kinda nailed each other last night.

— Fuck. And he was the one who kicked you out? That’s tough.

— Don’t I know? Last night he was completely…

— Don’t give me any details, please.

— I wasn’t. I was gonna say that he was different, and now in the morning he was like… 

— Kind of a prick?

— Yeah, it was like regular Eddie, you know? Annoying and stupid.

— Doesn’t sound like you’re in love with him. Were you guys at his house?

— Yeah. 

— Well, maybe that’s the reason? Give the poor guy another chance, when his mom is not around. He must be just as confused as you.

— I’m not confused, Stan. I really like him and last night he said he liked me too. 

Stanley arched his eyebrows.

— I think you should talk to him later and make sure you’re guys are… on the same page? 

— Maybe you’re right… Argh, I’m so fucking stupid, I can’t believe I rushed things like this…

— Hey, I’m sure you guys will figure things out and it’ll turn out alright. I'm actually really proud of you for taking it off your chest, turning into action. You've been pining over Eddie for so long, maybe now it’s that time when you…

— Ride or die?

— That’s what came to mind, but sounds very dirty to say. — Stan laughed, making Richie laugh too.

Richie didn’t want to say out loud, though, that he wasn’t ready to "ride or die" with Eddie. He wanted to be sure that none of them would chose to not be together (and that's a very stupid thing to do when other people's feelings are involved). Eddie said last night that he didn’t want to be "so invested" when he gave the first kiss… But was he invested at all?

Or maybe it was Richie who was asking for too much, when he should have been happy with the one night they had. ("Till yesterday you thought you wouldn’t have even that…"). 

— You shouldn’t overthink this kind of stuff, you know? You always go to the worst case scenario and ends up hurting yourself, sometimes for no reason at all. Give Eddie some time, and maybe he'll surprise you.

— You know, on my way home this morning, I felt my heart was crushed. There's no worse scenario than this. 

— You’re the one who chose to fall for that asshole. — Stanley chuckled. — But in all seriousness, I know you guys will figure things out soon enough. I mean, I’m no expert in this, but I think he likes you too. The same way you like him.

That was the first time Stanley admitted that. When he first heard about Richie's feelings, he thought maybe it was just a crush that would be gone by the end of the week. But after the friend told him that he had carved their initials on the infamous kissing bridge, Stan realized that it was much deeper and felt sorry for Richie ("fall this hard for someone like Eddie mustn’t be easy").

— Thanks, Stan.

— Hey, I'm stuck on that house for 2 more years. So we might sit here all day and solve all your problems. Go ahead and spit it out, Trashmouth.

No wonder why Stan was The Man.


	3. Closer

There was no way Monday would be a good day. Not only because it was a school day, but Richie knew it would be tough to escape Eddie the whole morning when they sat side by side in all classes. What would he do? Switch seats? Pretend sick?

— Richie, I want to talk to you. — Eddie said when they were on way to get lunch. He didn’t seem as uncomfortable as Sunday morning, but something was very grave on his face and it made Richie worried. “He’ll probably just say ‘don’t tell anyone what we did, ok? I don’t want my name written all over restroom doors’. Who would have wanted that anyway?". Somehow, he managed to escape every time him and Eddie were about to get alone.

As Stanley said, he was trying to imagine the worst scenario. And he knew that. He also knew that he wanted Eddie to surprise him, though. So his heart was just as confused as his head and there was only one way to fix it.

— Hey, fuck face! Yeah, I’m talking to you! I said I wanted to talk to you! Couldn’t you just… Wait for me?

Eddie had followed him home. Fuck. And he sounded somewhat angry. Fuck.

— I have to do some things for my mother. — he lied and of course Eddie didn’t buy it. They both stopped at the front door.

— You wanna talk right here or you gonna invite me in?

Richie didn’t answer and hated himself for being speechless in such an hour.

— Why you’re acting like this, Rich? 

— Like what?

— You’re awkward and… It’s like you’re avoiding me. What happened?

— I don’t want to talk about it.

— And just because you don’t want to talk about it, we won’t talk at all?

— Yes, that’s the principle.

— But I wanna talk! What did I do for you to be such a bitch to me all of a sudden?

— Oh, now I’m the bitchy one? How about yesterday when you kicked me out of your house? I was the bitch then too?

Eddie seemed confused and Richie wished he could kick him right on the spot. 

— I said we had to go the Mass and you freaked out and left on your own.

— You said I should leave.

— No, I didn’t. 

— Yes, you did. And you told your mother I peed my pants.

— I freaked out, I said I was sorry… But I never said I wanted… Wait. Richie, are you afraid I wanted you to leave yesterday?

Once again, Richie had no answer; something on Eddie’s voice - and Richie wasn’t sure  _ what _ \- made it seem like he didn’t want it. 

— Are you?

— So what if I was?

— I didn’t. Believe me, and I know it sounds almost impossible, but I’d rather stay behind with you than lose one hour with Ma at the church. — Eddie joked. It was very well known that he wasn’t the biggest religious boy in town and, after the night they spent together, Richie felt like he knew why. — I tried to call you after, but you weren’t home. And Ma didn’t let me go at your house.

— And what did you want to talk to me?

— Are you sure you don’t want to come in? Is your mother home?

— She’s at work. Ok, come in.

The house used to be empty for the most part of the time, and it was still like this on weekdays. Richie didn’t like being by himself, not even there.

— How’s your neck?

— The hickeys are practically gone by now. Are you some kind of pervert?

— I’m afraid I might be. Are we ok?

— What you said made sense. — Richie shrugged off. — Why didn’t your mom let you come after me?

— She said we weren’t connected by the belly buttons, so I should be able to handle a few hours without you. — Eddie explained, quoting his mother. — Where did you go after you left?

— Stan’s. I needed to vent.

— Did you tell him about us? — He sounded curious, but not worried.

— He kinda already knew.

— How did Stan know about us?

— He knows about me. I told him a long time ago.

— Why did you tell Stan about it?

— ‘Cause he’s my fucking best friend?

— Ouch.

Richie rolled his eyes. Even with this new situation, he would never imagine to talk about feelings with  _ Eddie _ . Or any other Loser for that matter. Stanley was the only one in the pack mature enough to give advice.

— You’re still mad at me?

— No, I’m not.

— So… May I come closer?

This time, he didn’t wait for the answer, taking Richie’s hand and pulling him in for a kiss. His mother was right, they weren’t connected by the belly button, but it didn’t mean he could go on without him. Not after that first kiss, or the second, or that whole fucking night. 

There was this rush that draw him to Richie everytime ("and it only took me a murderous clown trying to kill us to notice…"). It's not  _ just _ physical (although Eddie couldn’t deny he was surprised by how well Richie's body fit his), they had that silly thing people would call chemistry. Of course, they were always disagreeing and fighting over stupid things, but that was just the way they were. And they were good together.

— How long will you mother stay out?

— Probably till 6 p.m.

— Can I hang around for a while? 

— Yeah, but… I won't do it again. — Richie said in one breath, trying not to sound as whiny as he did in his head. — I don't want to rush things with you today. All the misunderstandment of that night happened because I was too thirsty and I don’t wanna do it again.

— Ok, you’re the boss.

— You staying? 

— What? You thought I’d stay just for head? I think I deserve more credit than that. 

— Shut up!

They went upstairs to Richie’s room, talking about spend the afternoon listening to music and reading comics - things they were already used doing. For maybe an hour, it worked well, Richie lying to one side, Eddie lying to the other, barely touching. It was Richie who broke the agreement first.

— We can lay to the same side, so you can stop kicking my face!

— I’m not kicking your face, you’re facing my feet!

— That doesn't even make sense! — Richie replied, turning to rest his head on the same pillow Eddie’s was. It didn’t take long for them to get a lot closer. 

— You’re distracting me with your breath.

— What am I supposed to do? Stop breathing? You’re the one rubbing your foot on my leg. That's… Very distracting.

— I don’t think we're doing it right… 

— You’re the one who came lie so next to me.

— But you turned around. 

— For us to be face to face and not cuddling, asshole!

— I’m one inch from kissing you from here, genius!

— Then maybe you should kiss! 

— Are you teasing me? 

And then, their lips were together again. Maybe, Eddie thought, Richie was right and he was some kind of pervert. Or maybe, they were so good at making out that doing something else was almost wrong.

— Your lip still sore? — Eddie slid his thumb over Richie's lower lip.

— It's not that bad… — Richie played cool but it didn’t stop Eddie from kissing it carefully. — Actually, it’s hurting a little, yeah.

Eddie gladly kissed it better a few more times, making Richie forget about everything that happened before. In a second, he wasn’t sure if he could remember his own name.

— Last night was the best moment of my life. — Richie whispered, almost like he didn’t want Eddie to hear it. But he did. And he said:

— I wanna be with you like this, all night every night, Rich. I just wanna be with you.

"We can’t make any promises now, can we?", Richie thought. How the fuck could they spend all the nights together? No matter how much they wanted to, they wouldn’t be left alone, not by Eddie’s mom, nor by the entire town who found it ok to pick on everything the two men living by the end of the street did. 

He wasn’t sad, although the whole situation could be seen as sad. He was scared. To walk out on the wire - and make Eddie do the same, just for the sake of loving each other, wasn’t it madness? It was all fun and games while they were kissing hidden in their bedrooms, but what would they do if anyone found out and decided to beat the shit out of them? It  _ was _ madness.

"The only promise I can make is to love you with all the madness in my soul".

— I really like this dumb face. — Eddie pulled Richie’s attention back to him, kissing his cheek. Richie chuckled, pushing away the bad thoughts. — But we're not very good at keeping our hands out of each other, right?

— No. But hey, at least you gave me no bites today. — Richie teased, lifting up his chin to show off his neck unmarked. — We still got some time, though.

Eddie giggled, shaking his head.

— I don’t trust myself to stop at your neck, Richie. So I’m ok.

It did take Eddie by surprise when Richie said he didn’t want to rush things again. Not 'cause he went after him expecting get blown again, but because it was all he could think of since they did it. It was impossible to pay attention to anything else in class other than Richie sitting right in front of him the whole morning (pretending he wasn’t even there). 

But now that they were alright, he wouldn’t risk fucking everything up again just because of lust. And it also surprised him a bit. When he woke up that Monday morning, all he could think was how good it felt to have Richie’s lips against his cock and when would it happen again (it had been a very sinful Sunday too); but after Richie’s boundaries were set, he was completely ok with just spend the afternoon watching Richie reading old comics. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to touch him - but there things more important than it.

The boys only left the bed when it was almost time for Richie’s mom to get home, and even then, they took their sweet time. Maybe Mondays  _ could _ be somewhat good anyway.

Eddie didn’t care of listening his mother yell about how worried she was (“I was around town with my friends, Ma”, was all the words that he needed to say and she did the rest herself). He found out that he could, in fact, endure any of her lectures after spending time in Richie’s arms.

After all the misunderstood on Sunday morning, Richie was feeling good. Eddie not only liked him back, but he liked him enough to try and fix things. Maybe Stanley was right and they would figure things out alright.

— Richard, darling. I need to talk to you.


	4. I Know, I Know, I Know

It had been so long since the  Losers used the Clubhouse that when they arrived there, it was all dusty and a little bit stinky. None of them actually cared about it, though, ‘cause it felt so good to be back hanging around after the finals.

— I thought  _ you _ were the one responsible for this clubhouse, Ben!

— Yeah, but I was studying too, Eddie! Mike was the one who was free all this time. And said he would be stopping by!

— I had work to do, but I did come here… Once or twice.

— You clearly haven’t been here in a while, Mike. — Bill provoked the friend, cleaning the dusty table with his hand.

— Beverly, we all know you hide your cigarettes here, why haven’t you clean up a little?

— Don’t look at me! It wasn’t that dirty when I came here last!

— Is it really that bad? — Stanley looked around. His mother had given him one “sneak out” as a gift for doing well on his finals. — We can talk about cleaning later and just enjoy being here for today.

— You only say that ‘cause you’ll be here just for today, Stan. — Mike answered in a mock-affront and everyone agreed.

The  quarrel kept going, with the Losers ending up deciding that none of them was to blame for the current state of the house and school shouldn’t take so much time of their lives. Following Stan’s suggestion, they hung around in the mess, enjoying being with each other.

— You’re too quiet, Rich. — Bev said, at some point. Richie didn’t take part in the previous discussion, just hanging on the hammock staring at the ceiling. — Missing school already?

— Like crazy, you wouldn’t even believe. — Richie ironized.

Eddie came closer and pushed him aside to get in the hammock too. It was a silent understandment between all the other Losers that, despite the previous agreement, that hammock was Richie’s and Eddie’s (their “love nest”, as Beverly once put and made everyone laugh). They were the only ones to use it.

— Roll over. 

Stanley smiled discreetly seeing his friends getting well again. Richie didn’t give him details (at his own request) but he knew things were back on good terms between them. He did notice, though, that Richie sounded a bit off this morning when they were on their way to the club house.

— Stop kicking me.

— I’m not kicking you.

— You’re acting weird. — Eddie poked Richie's chest with his foot, trying to get his attention. — Are you on your period? 

— No but your mother is.

And they kept their back and forth as usual, making the other Losers roll their eyes. Anyone outside could even think they didn’t like each other, but all of them knew that Eddie just as much as Richie loved each other (just not  _ how much _ ).

The atmosphere at the Clubhouse was what they all liked the most. The music playing on Ben’s old player was always Richie’s favorite part - not for music itself (it was always something cheesy), but for the mood it created. That day it was playing  _ Boys Don’t Cry _ , by The Cure.

Before it was even 5 p.m., Stanley announced that he had to go back. Soon, Beverly did the same and this time Bill offered first to walk her home ("What the fuck is up with these two?"), Ben left later, when he finally finished the repairs he started doing (Eddie and Mike got the impression that he just wanted to hammer something down).

— You guys staying out late? — Mike asked when Richie and Eddie showed no intention to leave. — Richie, is everything ok?

— I’m just trying to stay outside as long as possible. I had a fight with my mom.

— Oh, ok then. You staying too, Eddie? 

— Yeah. We can shut everything down when we’re off.

Mike left them right after, aware that something was very weird but not wanting to worsen the mood.

— You’re alright? 

— Yeah, I’m ok.

— What did you and your mother fight about?

— Nothing serious. Was your mother too mad you stayed out late that other day?

— A little, but she’s running out of excuses to keep me in. — Eddie pushed the hammock with his free leg, making it swing slowly.

— Eddie?

— Yeah? 

— What would you say if told you that I love you?

That fucking question seemed to suck all the air of the small clubhouse. Eddie looked for his inhaler. "What kind of question is this?". 

Eddie never thought much about love. Even when he came out of that phase when boys avoid all love subjects, the idea of falling for someone was still awkward. When he acknowledged the feelings he had for Richie, the word "love" just crossed his mind for a split second, but he wasn’t sure of anything by then… There were feelings, strong feelings, the type that turn everything upside down and make your heart try to jump out of your chest.

— I…

— I’m just messing with you, Eddie Spaghetti.

Richie’s hand was gently petting Eddie’s tight, as he secretly wanted to do every time they were lying together; but his eyes were still fixed on the ceiling.

— Do you wanna spin the bottle again and tell me the truth this time?

— What? 

Eddie arched his brows.

— I don’t know what I'd say. Not because I don’t know how I feel about you, but because the idea I had of love doesn't even compare to what happens when you’re around. You feel so much better than whatever definition of love, I’m not sure anyone else ever felt like this. — the boy spat out, trying to make sense of all the things he had inside, not sure if he succeeded. 

— You’re fucking smooth, Eddie Spaghetti. 

— Can’t believe you’re making fun of me after I said all this.

— I’m not. I swear I'm not. Sorry.

— Get your ass in here. — Eddie played. They were so used to that hammock that moving on it wasn’t really that tricky anymore. — What’s going on?

Richie hated being comforted. And more than that, he hated needing being comforted. But lying there with Eddie wasn’t bad at all.

— I’m really confused right now. 

— About what?

— Everything. 

— That’s not vague at all… 

— I don’t have the words to explain.

— That’s a first.

— Shut up.

They both chuckled and then fell in silence. It was weird to be in silence with Richie, Eddie thought. He would never shut up for a second (they all came up with the “beep beep Richie” for a reason) and Eddie grew so used to the friend’s ADHD that seeing him quiet was almost unbearable.

— I think we have to go now. It’s getting dark outside.

— Do you think your mother will be pissed if I show up at your house tonight?

— She will, but right now I don’t give a fuck… You wanna crash there?

Richie nodded in silence again, and it was so loud in his expression that something was wrong. They climbed out of the house and Eddie hid the secret entrance with some leaves. His clock showed it was almost 8 p.m.

They walked from the Barrens like lovers do, holding hands and enjoying that no one in their right mind would go near that place (let alone at night). Eddie complained about the heat wave in Derry.

— Now serious. What did I do wrong this time?

— What did you do?

— Yeah, you’re acting weird again.

— It’s nothing, Eds. 

— You know, I need to know the rules if you want me to play.

— What are we playing again?

— You’re impossible, you know? — Eddie chuckled as they hit the main street on their way to Eddie’s. As they both had predicted, Sonia didn’t approve the idea of having Richie sleeping there  _ again _ , but did nothing upon the son’s demand. After hearing that he was way past his curfew, Eddie guided Richie upstairs to his room.

— She seems to hate me even more.

— She’s getting bitter with time.

— I don’t want to give you problems.

— You see, real Richie wouldn’t mind to mess the things around with me and Ma. 

— Yeah, maybe your kisses gave me a stroke.

— I’m dying to know if we can fix that with more kissing.

Richie brought Eddie closer this time, joining their lips with desire. Just like he did with the sore lip, he wanted Eddie to kiss all his worries away, kiss it all better. 

— Eddie, I want you so fucking much. — he said, kissing him desperately, and Eddie was already with his back against the wall. — So fucking much.

Richie moaned when Eddie started to kiss his neck, and soon kisses turned a bit more rough than they expected. "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me". Eddie put his hands around Richie’s waist, ending with one pull the distance between their bodies.

— I’m running out of strength to resist you, you know? 

— So let's not. You want me and I want you as fuck. I wanna dive in, don’t you?

— You were the one who didn’t want to rush things. — Eddie reminded him, taking off Richie’s glasses for fun. 

— I know, I know, I know. But it's just… so hard not to keep my hands off of you.

— I’m not saying to keep your hands to yourself. — Eddie kissed his neck again, gently this time. — I definitely won't be able to keep mine. But I don’t want to risk rushing it and you feeling bad tomorrow morning.

— I fucking hate your logic.

— We can have some fun with my logic and your hate, then. I just don’t want you getting mad at me again.

Richie chuckled, partly because of Eddie’s reaction, but also because his kisses were ticklish. Glad to see the other one smiling, Eddie did it again and again. He was still thinking about what Richie asked at the Clubhouse - what would he answer if Richie said "I love you". Being with him, making him laugh, kissing his neck over and over, that would be it. They could even become themselves the "two men who moved in to the house at the end of the street" one day. It would make Eddie happy.

They didn’t care about dinner that night (and neither did Sonia, who only bother herself with them once). Ever since they started making out, time alone had become a privilege and they would enjoy every single bit of it. Richie was already familiar with the bed, so he was the first one to lie and make himself at home. Eddie wished he would stay there forever.

— Wanna join me?

Having Eddie on top of him was Richie’s newest, biggest turn on right now and being intertwined with him was more than enough to set his whole body on fire. It made him feel a bit stupid (just a little) that Eddie would make his heartbeat skip like he did. But now that they were together (were they? Richie wouldn’t dare to ask), all the cool he took years to build up would simply be finished by any move Eddie made.

Not that it was a bad thing. He had trusted Eddie with his life before, might as well trust him with his own heart now. 

— How far can we… Can we go tonight?

— You know you’re sending mixed signals here, right?

— Fuck you.

— Yeah, but you logic me out of that just now. — It made Eddie roll his eyes and giggle.

— Shut up and kiss me.


	5. Boyfriend

Waking up had been better the first time. When Eddie’s mother  _ didn’t _ wake them up knocking on the door like the house was on fire. Luckily, they had locked it - which pissed her even more, but kept them safe from being found.

— Why is this door locked, Eddie?

— I must have locked last night when we went to bed and didn’t noticed.

— You know I don’t like locked doors. What if something happens and you have to run fast from the house?

— Did something happen?

— You, boy. — She pointed to Richie as soon as the door was opened. Luckily again, they didn’t go further than kissing last night, so Richie’s appearance was a little better (at least, they wouldn’t have to come up with no accident) and they were both quick in putting their shirts back on. — Your mother is downstairs, waiting to take you home.

— What? — Eddie asked, confused.

— Apparently, he didn’t talk to her about sleeping here. You know I don’t like lies, Eddie, and if this boy is making you lie…

— No one is making me do anything, Ma.

He had no time to look at Richie and ask what was going on. They had been getting away with lying that his mother knew where he was for so long, it didn’t make any sense she would make a scene now. 

— You better go home now.

— Ma, please don’t… — but Richie was already halfway through the living room downstairs, looking down. Sonia followed him, but Eddie noticed it was only to make sure he wouldn’t pull him back to the room.

— I’ve been patient, Richard. I tolerated more than any other mother would. But you ran away and that’s unacceptable.

— I’m always at Eddie’s and you know that!

Sonia shook her head, disapproving Richie’s tone.

— Let’s go home now, and we’ll talk later. Again, Sonia, thank you so much for telling he was here.

— I’m sorry things have gone this far with your boy, Maggie. 

“As if I’m not just as guilty of lying than he is!”, Eddie wanted to yell, but didn’t want to make things more difficult than they already seemed. In the end, he couldn’t even say goodbye to Richie and when he ran outside (against his mother’s yells), the car had already gone.

— What the hell happened here?

— I don’t like when you talk like this, Eddie bear. And that boy is a very bad influence. Can you believe he decided to run away a day before he and his mother are moving out?

— Are what?

Eddie didn’t pay attention to if she repeated or not, but he had heard very well the first time. Richie was moving out.

On the passenger seat of his mother’s car, Richie lost the fight against the tears and let some fall from his eyes. The woman driving was still very serious, but she wasn’t a monster.

— Darling, you’ve always said you wanted to leave Derry. But you’ve been acting like it’s the worst news ever. It’s gonna be good to you…

— You don’t understand, mom. I can’t leave my friends behind like this. We’re graduating next year.

— You can graduate anywhere you want, Rich. And you can always make new friends.

— Not like them. We’re a pack, we’re The Losers.

— I never liked this name.

— But that’s what we are. And I can't leave them.

— Rich… — She put her hand on his head, trying to comfort him, but it didn’t work. When they arrived, he ran upstairs, drying his eyes on his sleeves.

Since she first talked about moving out with him, Richie tried to convince her that it wasn’t a good idea. Of course, when she asked him if he'd like to move out, she was actually just  _ informing _ that the bank had sent her to another State and they'd be out in just a few days. But he dared to have  _ some _ hope that she could change her mind.

But he was out of time now. And there was nothing he could do.

During the morning, Mrs. Tozier knocked at her son’s door a lot. But it only opened when she announced Bill Denbrough and Stan Uris.

— Hey, dude. Eddie called us and he said… You’re moving out.

— He must have understood something wrong. — Bill said, worried, but Richie’s eyes were a proof that there was no mistake.

— It's right. Mom got a new job and… We're leaving.

— When?

— I don’t know. Soon. 

— Richie, it can’t be! It's summer, we're in Senior year! We should all be together!

— I think you’re yelling at the wrong Tozier, Bill. I said all this to my mother, but it didn’t change her mind. You're welcome to try anyways…

— Eddie was really worried on the phone... — Stanley dropped the hint, but it only made Richie sad. — What happened? 

— I crashed at his house. And my mom stopped by this morning to ruin everything.

— Did she…?

— No, no… it was just an ass of a morning.

— He said he'll try come by later today. — Bill added, oblivious to what his message actually meant for the receiver. 

— Hey, Richie, what's up? — Ben showed up at his door, looking all red and covered in sweat like he had come running. — Eddie called. Said you're moving out?

— Yes. I don’t know when and didn’t give a fuck to learn about where we're going too.

— There must be a way for you to stay. 

— You want to adopt me, Ben? 'Cause I’m all for it!

— We can’t graduate without you, Rich! 

Richie wanted to say how any of his friends' reactions were helping, but he was already so fucked up that pushing them away would be so much worse. And he knew Eddie had all the best intentions when he called  _ everyone _ .

— We gotta do something! — Bill got in his  _ Big Bill _ mode, when he tried to fix everything wrong in the world. "It was that type of attitude that got us in trouble three years ago, Bill…". Before any of them said anything, Richie’s mom called downstairs, announcing that "the girl called Beverly was at the door".

Bev wasn’t allowed to go up, so all of them went to meet her. All she did, after Mrs. Tozier left the living room, was to give Richie a big ass hug. 

— Mike is on his way, I think. Eddie told me everything, I'm so sorry, Richie… Is there anything we can do?

One of them moving seemed a very distant, if not impossible, scenario. Stanley’s parents had been the first ones to say something about it, but when they decided it wouldn’t be worthy, the group figured all of their parents would do the same. 

— I don’t think so, Bev… 

Richie felt like he was gonna cry again when Eddie came through the door, storming like… Eddie would do. He went directly to the stairs before noticing the friends on the living. Without acknowledging any of them, he ran to Richie and caught his face in his hands.

— You knew about all that? Fuck, Rich.

— I thought she would she’d change her mind. She always does. 

Eddie pulled his face onto his and not only Richie, but Stan and all the other Losers in the room thought he was gonna kiss him. To everyone’s disappointment, he didn’t.

— Run away with me, Rich. They are already saying you’ve tried to run away. So let’s do it, let’s run away. 

— Eddie… — Bill tried to argue that it would probably only bring more trouble to Richie, and if his mother listened, she would forbid his friends to be together, but neither of the boys paid attention. Actually, they were so absorbed in themselves that it made seem that no one else was in the room. 

— C’mon, you know I can’t leave it…

Stanley felt his heart sinking watching that scene. Definitely, wasn’t what he was hoping for the friends, but he found some solace in the way Eddie was acting - he really seemed desperate, not for losing a friend like they all were; he was losing a lover.

Mike joined the group a little later, just as exasperated as everyone else. He was still wearing his farm gear around his waist.

— Was that why you were so upset yesterday? — he asked, when time was at minimal appropriate. They were all standing around Richie, who was desolated sitting on the chair that once belonged to his father. Eddie was sitting on the chair’s arm, holding him against his chest. Their friends weren’t strangers to that behavior, and even if they were, it wouldn’t have changed the boys' actions.

— You been knowing this for so long, why didn’t you tell us sooner? — Ben wondered, knowing the answer already. By his side, Beverly tried to think about some plan; it was visible that Bill was doing the same in his head. Stanley was a little more realistic than both, though, and knew that all they could do was to comfort Richie for as long as possible. Mike was thinking how long would they have to hide Richie till his mother would give up on him and move by herself. 

On Eddie’s mind, though, one thing (aside from the “run away with me” plan) popped. “He trusts me enough to mouth-fuck me, but not to tell what was going on.” He knew it was not a very fair thing to think, but couldn’t help it. He had asked, he noticed it, but Richie decided to keep it to himself. Why? “You know I’d pack my bags and we’d run away in a second if you had told me sooner, right?”. 

Last night felt like it had happened thousands of years ago. If he knew what was bound to happen, probably Eddie wouldn’t have stopped Richie’s advances, but it was too late to think about that. “I mean when I ask you to run. We could get in the car and go very far away, find a job, we could do anything in the world.”’

— Richie… — he let out in a helpless sigh, with his hands cupping the boy’s cheeks.

— C’mon, Richard. I can’t believe you’re crying in front of your friends like this. Be a man, for Christ’s sake! — Maggie Tozier said, walking out of the kitchen trying to sound humorous. — Why don’t you kids go get a last ice cream to cheer up? I’ll pack your things, Rich, so you won’t have to bother. But, you’ll be back by the end of the afternoon, alright? Now, go!

The mention of one last ice cream made Richie let escape a muffled cry. Stanley put his hand on his shoulder, comforting. It would be better if they were out of the house anyway, but he wasn’t sure if the friend would be able to get up.

— Wanna get out of here? — Eddie asked, concerned. He allowed himself to play with Richie’s hair like they did when in bed. — We do whatever you want, Rich. 

— Yeah, let’s go out. I don’t want to fucking look at her right now. — Richie confessed, getting up and walking towards the front door. Bill followed quickly, putting one arm around Richie’s shoulder. Ben and Beverly walked out too, and so did Mike (not before he pat Eddie’s shoulder, comforting him too). Eddie and Stan were right behind.

— I didn’t think it would come to this. — Eddie whispered so only Stanley would hear. He was so clueless that maybe Stan would have some piece of wisdom to light up his mood. — I never thought he’d leave some day.

— Neither did I. It had nothing to do with you guys… Fooling around, right? Did your mother, or his found out?

— No. We were together last night and when his mom arrived, but no one caught us. — Eddie answered and it was strangely good to talk about him and Richie with someone, even in that situation. — I think it was on her plans to move before we even started. If I look back now…

— So it’s not like he would be forbidden to come back, right? If she’s not doing to separate you guys, he can come visiting. It wouldn’t be the same, but at least he’d be here, with us!

Stanley was partially right. It wouldn’t be the same, but it was a start. Not enough to make Eddie happy, he thought, but that would be asking for too much. The only thing that could make him happy was Richie’s mom suddenly changing her plans and saying “fuck it, if you guys want him so much, he can stay, I guess”.

It was not the most exciting ice cream session that the Losers ever had. None of them was in a fun mood, like if a bit of everyone’s heart had been ripped off. No vanilla cone was enough to mend that. It would have been better, Richie thought, if his mother had pulled his heart out through his throat with her bare hands. Less messier and hurt a lot less too. He didn’t expect her to do such a scene at the Kaspbraks that morning and hated her at that moment. 

Eddie was sitting by his side, still with his heart on his sleeve. “Not that we were fooling anyone, but now we’re playing pretty obvious, Eddie Spaghetti...”. Looking at him was painful - how could Richie ever leave Eddie behind, in Derry? And why now, when they were having the time of their lives? “Life is so unfair but at least I stopped crying, so I can see these guys’ faces clearly once more before I go”.

He recalled what Eddie said to him when they were on the hammock just yesterday. Of “love” not being enough to describe what was going on between them. It was so sweet to hear those words he didn’t care it wasn’t the answer he was looking for. Eddie’s was the correct one anyways.

— I’m gonna show up at your house tonight, Rich. — Eddie said, when they were alone for a second, looking very serious.

— You’ll get in trouble, Eds. 

— I’m not leaving you alone tonight. I said I just wanna be with you and that’s what I’m gonna do.

— I don’t think I trust myself to let you go if you’re there, Eddie.

— What am I supposed to do? Stay in my room, all night? No fucking way. — Eddie was almost crying by now. He spotted Bill walking back to them. — I’m gonna go.

Richie chuckled. “He doesn’t want to miss what’s gonna be our last night together”. A few minutes before, Stanley pointed out that his parents wouldn’t be against receiving him for visit, if he ever wanted to come. He could spend the Summer vacation in Derry, while his mother was settling things. Everyone agreed it was a possibility and it somehow cheered up all of them, but Eddie and Richie. The latter was sure it would be the last they were all together and the first… Knew he wouldn’t be satisfied with only Summer vacation.

They all hung around till the last second possible. And they all walked Richie back to his house, taking turns to try to cheer him up and promising to come tomorrow morning too. “Richie Tozier’s funeral parade”, he thought when Ben gave him one last hug.

As he promised, Eddie came back when it was all dark outside. He sneaked out as soon as his mother was off to bed; and now Richie helped him to sneak in through the window.

— You’re crazy, Kaspbrak.

— I wanna do things right, Rich. I wanna spend the whole night covering you in kisses. One thousand of them if I need to, so you won’t forget me.

— That would be impossible... but your offer is quite tempting, so keep going, lad. — Richie joked in a funny British voice that could have been better. It was good to see him playing around doing his voices though, Eddie said to himself, but Richie’s face made it obvious that he had been crying a lot and it hurt more than he imagined it would. 

— I meant it when I asked you to run away with me.

— And what would we do? Be pariahs in some small city forgotten by God?

— I’d be more than satisfied to be a pariah with you, dr. Dictionary. We can get in my car right now and drive South till we hit Mexico.

— I can pull off the sombrero, but I don’t know if the look fits you. — Richie laughed. — And besides, you’re mother would run the world after you. She’d say I kidnapped you and forced you to come with me. We’d be in wanted posters all over the country.

— I’m not afraid of Ma, Rich.

— But I know you can’t leave her. — Richie said seriously for the first time. He knew Eddie’s mother wasn’t in her best health and knew that Eddie would never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him. — You should, but you can’t.

— So what’s now? I don’t want to lose you.

— You won’t. My heart will always belong to a boy called Eddie Spaghetti.

Eddie wasn’t sure what to do. Should he scream and shout that it wasn’t time for jokes? Should he knock Richie out and put him the trunk and drive off to Mexico like he wanted? He would do most anything to keep that stupid asshole by his side for the rest of his life.

— I don’t wanna kiss anyone else now that I kissed you, isn’t that weird?

— So kiss me like you miss me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch out for a simple twist of fate.


	6. Walking with a Ghost

For the Losers complete desolation, the Tozier would be out of Derry one day later, so there was no time to plan any crazy genius escape. None of them liked watching Richie acting like his departure was set in stone, but in the end, they all had to agree there was nothing left to do. 

They were all there in the morning, while Mrs. Tozier and the taxi driver loaded the trunk with their baggage (the rest would follow in a few days), to say goodbyes. Richie held each and every one of his friends with all the love he had for those Losers. Big Bill and his stuttering when he asked Richie to write as soon as he could, Ben and his huge, red cheeks, trying his best not to cry, Mike and his strong hug that could break Richie in two, Beverly’s sweet smile when she kissed his cheek gently, Stanley’s long embrace that meant more than any word between them.

And then Eddie, who had just jumped out the window this morning to pretend he had just arrived with the others. Richie wasn’t sure if he had it in himself to let go when they shared one last hug. Eddie held him tightly and whispered in Richie's ear, three times as if it was a spell that would make him stay. "I love you, I love you, I love you".

Nobody heard the whispers, but everyone noticed when Richie started to cry again. He gave one small kiss on Eddie’s cheek and the other Losers joined in a group hug. Mrs. Tozier pulled her son out when it was time to go.

Watching him go in the car made Eddie’s legs weak. "One last chance to run from this town", but he had already gone away. Stanley and Bill held Eddie by the shoulders. But what the boy really wanted was to fall.

Nothing helped cheering him up that day. Or the next. Eddie looked like a ghost of himself during an entire week, barely eating or going out. His mother even thought about getting the doctor, but his heart was lightened when Stanley Uris knocked on her door.

— Have you heard any news from him? — Stanley asked, when he was assured that no one would listen.

— No. You?

Stan shook his head negatively. Richie didn’t really answer when Bill asked for the letters, but they at least expected a “hey, I’m ok” note, giving them the new address and maybe a phone number. 

— It’s been only one week. It mustn’t be light to move out so quickly and…

He knew he was just giving excuses, but what else could Stanley do? Admit that maybe Richie wouldn’t write, maybe he would do as his mother said and make new friends? 

— You should try and come to the clubhouse some time. The rest of the gang is worried about you too.

By now, Eddie thought, whatever suspects they might have had were confirmed. Richie’s absence made him sick and sad and pale, what explanation would there be? “Ma thinks I have the same thing that killed dad… But I doubt he had ever felt something like this…”.

— Ben asked if you’d like to get the hammock to yourself.

— Why would he ask you that?

— He’s not dumb, Eddie. — Stan smiled. — None of us is.

— I think it’s better for it to stay at the clubhouse. Ma would throw it away if I hung it in here…

— I think you should tell him yourself. Let’s go there tomorrow, Eddie.

“How can I go there knowing he won’t be there with us, Stan? How's fair that I use the hammock by myself?”, but Eddie didn’t answer. He didn’t want Stan to pity him more than he already did. 

Something his mother said echoed in his head: "with time, it will be almost like he never existed, darling". What a nasty thing to say, he answered on the spot, and she replied that soon enough him and all of the friends would be no more than a childhood memory to forget. 

"Not the Losers". They were his best friends in the whole world, together they defeated fear itself. How could they ever separate? 

And Richie. There was no way he would forget him and everything he meant. His laugh, his kisses, his touches, every moment they spent together, everything was too precious to be forgotten. And he knew Richie wouldn’t forget him either, as he said his heart would be Eddie’s forever. 

"My heart is gone with you too, Rich. Wherever the hell you are".

On his way to California, as he would discover later, Richie thought about Eddie’s last words. "If you’re gonna say I love you, you could have said it before, when I would give a better answer than sobbing". But he was glad that he heard those words from those lips ("at least I'll know someone loved me once"). There was no one else he wanted in the world - love was only good if it was him and Eddie.

He fell asleep on the airplane, tired of a sleepless night that was good, with Eddie kissing the hell out of his neck, and bad, 'cause they knew it would be the last. His mind was getting foggy, but maybe it was the heights, as it was the first time he was in a plane.

When he woke up, they were almost there and the sight from the window seat was exciting and sorta promising. Richie knew next to nothing about where they were going, but his mother said it would be a nice fresh start after living years in Derry, Maine.

The apartment wasn’t big, and for a boy used to live in a big ass house, it was a huge disappointment, but by the end of the first week, he was already used to the new space. 

— Why don’t you go outside and find some friends, Richard? — his mother said on a sunny day, when he was playing videogames in his room. The mention of friends made him feel uneasy, like there was something wrong with it that he couldn’t quite guess. Did he forget something back in Derry? 

There were some blurred faces and pictures and somewhat feelings in the back of his mind. He wanted to do something about it, but what could he do? "Some memories go away with the age, Rich", his mother comforted him once, "It's ok to leave child things behind to become a grown up, and you are growing so fast!".

Maybe she was right and there was nothing in Derry for him. When the senior year started, it was like it never existed and weirdly enough, he could barely remember anything.

He never felt the need to go back, call or even send any letter. Who would be there to get it anyways?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read this.  
> I hope you enjoyed.  
> And if you didn't... Maybe a [Twist of Fate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22943926/chapters/54844882) could fix it. Or make things even worse. I'm not sure.
> 
> Also, thanks to Tegan and Sara - all the chapters' names are songs from them and I also took some inspiration from their lyrics.


End file.
